That Floating Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series began, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of affluence and consumption? The seemingly deliberate procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this show again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.

Henry Cooper
Henry Cooper

A seasoned tech writer and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in digital transformation and startup growth strategies.