Evening Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's prominent entertainers devoted the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys everything he touches."

The subject was the controversial plan which permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official portal pledges approval "in record time."

"A brief message for you to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.